it's hard

during my father cremation, i went outside for a few minutes, i needed fresh air, i needed to breathe, i needed to feel i was alive.

but it is hard to keep living. not that i am ever going to abandon that gift that is life. but it is hard to miss someone. it is hard to think that he would like the new flat i got, or the fact that it's so near the sea, or seeing me registered for sailing classes, and then realizing i will never be able to tell him or show him or share it with him.